Teri Kingston is a woman who is living the caregiver journey with her beloved husband Harry. She has had many life experiences that have shaped the beautiful woman that she is – strong, caring, kind and compassionate. Once you meet her, you know you have met an authentic and loving woman. She embraces the Women Living Fully community and encourages everyone to take care of themselves by being “care receivers”. She is this week’s Woman of the Week.
Teri’s story
My name is Teri Kingston and I am one of the 7% of caregivers who are caring for a beloved spouse rather than for an elderly parent or relative. I am so grateful to be part of the Women Living Fully community. I could not stay strong on this difficult walk with the man I love without the courage, wisdom and loving support of Pierrette and this amazing compassionate sisterhood.
I once described my life in 6 words. Uprooted early. Transplanted often. Finally home. My mother was seriously ill when I was a little girl and her doctors recommended that she and my father leave Liverpool, England to head to somewhere warmer and kinder. Off they set with three little girls in tow (I am the middle one- that explains a lot to those who know me!). Uprooted from our English family and transplanted to magical island of Bermuda. Not a bad place to spend your K-8 years. It was truly wonderful! We moved to Canada when I was 13 so that my father could get his Master’s degree at Queen’s University so once again we were the strangers in a strange land. The fact that my mother loved to buy a home, fix it up and then move us all to a newer better bigger “pot” meant we were transplanted often in both Kingston and Bermuda.
My first husband and the father of my two children (Danielle (33) and Marc (30)) was at Royal Military College when I was at Queen’s (B Music). We met, married and moved! Germany, Gagetown New Brunswick, Quebec, England, Toronto, back to Germany and then in 1993 we moved to Ottawa. 10 moves in 16 years takes its toll on a marriage and ours ended in 1996.
Over the years I took my piano with me. I accompanied choirs and soloists and musicals, played at our various churches and taught piano in military bases wherever we lived. I once had a radio show on the Canadian Armed Forces Radio state in Lahr, Germany every Sunday morning. I acted in plays, volunteered in the Military Family Support centres and raised two amazing young people along the way.
My job descriptions were evolving with every transplant too. The military years were my stay-at-home mom years as home kept moving and my job was to be the one constant for the kids. Best job ever!
Following my divorce in 1996 came my years as a massage therapist and cranio-sacral therapist. Learning how to help others manage the performance stress that had taken such a toll on me while I was at university was an exciting and challenging career. I loved preparing musicians for auditions and performances by understanding that their first instrument was their own body and how to deal with the stress while creating beautiful music. My first business was called “Soundbody” for that reason.
Then came financial difficulties and physical burn-out. I found a “safe” job in the public service. One that would finally pay the bills and give me some solid ground to rebuild. I also joined Toastmasters at that time and fell in love with public speaking. So much fun, so many opportunities for creativity and play and for personal growth. I have been a Toastmaster for over 14 years now. The skills I learned help me get promoted three times over my 11 years in the Public Service, almost tripling my income and, the most important thing of all, introduced me to my now husband and true love of my life!
Harry is my finally home. From the moment we met in 2003, competing against each other in a Toastmaster evaluation contest, he is the one who inspires me. He comes from an extremely difficult background as an abandoned child, brought up in various foster homes (some good, some terrible is the way he puts it) and yet, somehow, has become a man of deep strength, true character and community involvement. This man understands that we are here to serve others, to love with his whole heart and to never give up.
I was fifty years old when I married this wonderful man. We had no illusions at that age of reaching our fiftieth anniversary but often joked that we wanted at least thirty good years together. We were only seven years into our dream marriage when, in November 2012, we received medical news that plunged us into a whole new world and threatened to put a full stop to our thirty-year plan.
We learned a new word. Pulmonary Hypertension. This truly terrible disease can strike anyone regardless of age, sex, or social or ethnic background. In pulmonary arterial hypertension, the arteries of the lungs become narrowed and scarred. This can result in almost complete closing of the arteries and may lead to heart failure. The symptoms that were plaguing Harry were shortness of breath; bluish hands, feet, and lips; swelling of hands and feet; lightheadedness and dizziness; chest pain; exhaustion. It is a difficult disease to diagnose and one for which there is no cure.
The PH community uses the word “phenomenal” to describe the many daily acts of courage and persistence that patients and their families exhibit day after day, and I have witnessed many such moments myself since Harry joined in on this unplanned and deeply unwanted journey. His way of dealing with this disease was to get voted in as a member of the board of directors for PHA Canada (www.phacanada.ca) and mine was to create a support group in Ottawa of patients and caregivers. If you can’t beat something at least we can try to make it better!
Our PH family inspires me daily. Some of our patients are small children whose parents are my true heroes. As hard as it is for me to see Harry struggle, the parents of our littlest patients deal with so much more.
I will be 60 years old this October and, as you can see, my life, like many of yours, has been full of many wonderful and challenging experiences. I am so very proud of how my two children have turned out after all their transplants and moving! Danielle is now Dr. Danielle Levesque, PhD, Assistant Professor of Mammalogy and Mammalian Health at the University of Maine and Marc (Master of Political Science) works as a consultant for McKinsey Corporation in Ann Arbor, Michigan and wherever they send him! They are caring, intelligent, warm, funny, responsible, loving adults who are contributing to their own communities and friends and continue to love and support their sometimes crazy mom in ways that keep my heart open, warm and filled with gratitude.
I recently launched my “third career,” my post-retirement passion, my opportunity to earn a living doing what I truly love. Real Impact Speaking is the new name of my business (www.realimpactspeaking.com). As a certified public speaking coach I help others find words to move people into action, create compelling stories and speeches with real and lasting impact. Helping people find the way to get their voices out and ignite change using the power of stories is a dream job!
In these past few months it seems that Harry’s disease is progressing faster than the drugs he is on to slow down the relentless progress. As I write this, he is in the Ottawa Heart Institute for a much-needed “tune-up” in preparation for the last round of treatment that we can use. Through it all we take turns being strong for each other. The dark hours in the middle of the night are the hardest but we have a huge family of support around us. Our church family is awesome, the PH community is filled with love and support from those who truly understand and this group of Pierrette’s – this wonderful community of wise, strong women who circle around, link arms and hold each other up as been a godsend in the truest sense of the word.
My favourite quote is: “To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower. Hold infinity in the palms of your hand and eternity in an hour.” by English poet William Blake. It describes my life and the joy I take in knowing that we can embrace infinity and eternity if we keep our eyes and hearts open.
I know that each woman in this group has an incredible story of courage and strength of her own to share and I honour and appreciate each one of you. Caregivers also need to be “care receivers”! Make sure you receive the quality of love, support and care that you need so that you continue to have strength and nourishment as you fulfill the most precious life role we are called upon to do. Hugs, love and blessings to you all.
