Often when we are feeling the weight of grief and loss, we forget that the other side of it is not as painful. There is a sense of relief, of hope and the possibility of a new beginning is present.
If you have just suffered a deep and personal loss, one that is very fresh and raw, this article is not for you at this time. To you, your family and your loved ones, I offer you my deepest condolences and send you my love. xoxo
On Tuesday, I released this week’s video called “It’s Not What You Think But What You Feel”. Since that video publication, I have had several conversations about that statement and what it all means.
After a loss, when you’re reeling from the pain and trying to find your way through sadness, you may find yourself thinking too much about what others will think and how you will be perceived. You may feel the need to suppress the pain and sadness and hide how you are truly feeling in order to prevent hurting others with your own pain or making them feel uncomfortable.
The thoughts you may have are:
- You shouldn’t show your feelings in public.
- Hold back your tears. No one wants to know how sad you really are.
- Toughen up. This is not the time.
- Be strong. Be an example to others.
And yet, every time you do that, you are forcing yourself to suppress the true feelings you are feeling.
Now, I’m not saying that you should sob and fall to your knees in the dairy isle of the grocery store (although if that is what you really need to do, I say do it!). What you can do is honour how you are feeling by acknowledging and being aware of the emotions that are coming up for you, in that moment.
The other side of grief is one of relief, release and yes, a new beginning. There comes a time where you can say thank you for the experience, for their love, for all that meant to you in your life. The other side of grief is knowing that it was not for nothing and that by living your life fully, feeling what you are feeling fully, you are honouring your loved one or the past experience.
Here are three things you can do when heavy feelings arise:
- Notice when you are in your head, thinking about what you should do instead of feeling what you are feeling. Stop yourself from thinking about what others will think and be present with your feelings, honouring the pain with your awareness.
- Let the feeling move through you, as a wave of energy, and feel the release of it as it moves outside of you.
- As you feel the release, breathe through it. Relax into it. Know that you are ok.
The other side of grief is about peace and it will take time to move through all of the waves that come with loss but do know, that every time you acknowledge how you are feeling and you honour your feelings in a positive way, you are honouring who and what you lost.
If you’d like more help and support, you can download “Moving Forward After Loss” which is available to you for free. You are welcome to contact me privately for more one-on-one help, or you can contact my team at Moving Forward Matters or 1-800-GOT-JUNK? for help with your physical items.
Just remember. You do not have to navigate through grief and loss alone. I/we are here to help!
