You know that feeling when you walk into a messy room and immediately feel stressed, but you can’t quite explain why?
So much of the exhaustion we feel doesn’t come from the big things. It comes from the small things we quietly tolerate every single day, and most of the time we don’t even realize how much energy they’re taking. I call them tolerable tolerations. In this video I share the three types that show up in our lives and a simple three-step process to let them go.
It Was Never About the Blue Dress
Years ago, I decided to film myself decluttering my home. I was moving along until I came to the blue dress, and I stopped in my tracks.
I loved that dress. The last time I wore it, I had given a presentation to about 500 people and received a full standing ovation. It held that memory. But I hadn’t worn it in five years and it no longer fit. Every time I opened my closet, the thoughts would start: maybe one day I’ll fit into it again. Without realizing it, that beautiful dress had become a toleration. It reminded me of who I used to be and who I felt I should still be.
So I let it go. I donated it to Dress for Success, which helps women with professional clothing for interviews and new careers, and imagined another woman wearing it into a room and feeling the same confidence I once felt. The moment I let it go, I felt lighter. It was never about the dress. It’s never about the object. It’s about the story we attach to it.
The Three Types of Tolerations
- Physical tolerations. The clutter on your desk, piles of paper, closets full of things you don’t use. When your environment is chaotic, your brain has to work harder, and your nervous system feels it. The good news: this is the easiest place to start, and clearing even a small space often brings an immediate sense of calm.
- Emotional tolerations. Relationships that drain your energy, obligations you feel you should keep, patterns you keep accepting. We often tolerate these because we’re kind, loyal and supportive, and sometimes we build emotional armour to cope.
- Psychological tolerations. The deepest ones. Beliefs about who you think you must be: the perfectionist, the strong one, the one who always puts herself last and holds everything together. Over time, these become part of our identity, and we stop questioning them.
See, Sort, Shift
Real change rarely happens overnight. It usually begins with a moment of awareness and a small shift. Over years of working with women, I developed a simple three-step process.
1. See. Take the blinders off and notice what you’re tolerating. The small things that quietly ask your brain for attention. The things you’ll “deal with later.” The things that make you sigh when you see them.
2. Sort. Decide what truly belongs in your life and what doesn’t fit anymore, like my blue dress. Ask: does this still support the life I want to live, or am I tolerating it because I always have? Sorting isn’t about judging yourself. It’s about getting clear on what matters. Every unfinished thing asks your brain to make a decision, and that decision fatigue adds up. So work in small batches and build your purge muscle. Start somewhere with little emotional attachment, like a linen closet or a sock drawer, and feel the relief.
3. Shift. When you release what no longer serves you, you create space for clarity, for energy, for what matters. That shift happens in your home, and in your body, mind and life too. The low-level tension lifts. You breathe easier. I’ve watched women clear something they held on to for years and say, “I didn’t realize how much this was weighing on me.” That’s the power of the shift.
Try This Right Now
Look around the space you’re in. Find one small thing that doesn’t belong there. A piece of paper, a cup, something on the counter. Pick it up and put it where it belongs. Then notice how you feel. That small sense of relief is where letting go begins, one small step at a time.
If someone came to mind as you read this, share it with them. And subscribe to At the Heart of It All with Pierrette on YouTube so you don’t miss the next video, because letting go of what drains us is how we make space for what truly matters.
