NOTE: This was written as my community was experiencing historical flooding in my region. My role as a volunteer, initially, was to help fill sand bags, deliver them to flood areas, and help those who needed additional help. As a coach and counsellor, my role shifted to helping those dealing with loss to help them navigate the feelings of frustration, sadness and overwhelm they were experiencing. When I wrote this post, I was feeling the deep loss that each person who was affected by the flood was feeling. The advice below and these recommendations can be helpful to all going through major loss and transition.
This is a time of loss. This is a time of major life transition. And you want so desperately to help.
Remember that this is a really challenging time of letting go:
- Letting go of what was so easy, so free and so predictable just a few days ago.
- Letting go of your home, your property, and hard-earned and special possessions that may never be the same again.
- Letting go of trying desperately to save your home after working so hard not to lose it.
- And finally, letting go of everything in your life, everything that was normal, just a week ago.
To be a support to those who are suffering, here are a few things that you can do to help them:
1. Acknowledge that this is a very tough and challenging time for each of them. Comfort them with your presence and support. Say the following when you don’t know what to say:
“I’m so very sorry you are going through this.”
“It must be so hard to go through this knowing you have little or no control.”
“I don’t know how you feel and I’m here to listen, be your friend, offer you help in any way that I can.”
2. Refrain from being the “at least you can” person. The last thing someone who is suffering wants to hear is:
“At least you can/have/be/do…..”
The “at least” part minimizes their loss, their pain and what they are feeling. Your intentions are in the right place by wanting to look on the bright side and be positive, but the feeling the other person will get when that is said, especially if you are not suffering to the same extent they are, is, “You have no idea and I wish I wasn’t in this situation in the first place.”
3. Do your due diligence. Don’t wait for others to ask for help because most will not know how to ask for help. They are exhausted. They are overwhelmed. They just want to know that they will be ok.
As the crisis continues, and seems to eventually go away in the weeks to come, people will still need help and support.
- Find out how to help without being asked.
- Remain actively involved.
- Follow updates.
- Stay connected online through Facebook groups offering help and support to those who need it.
And thank you. Thank you for wanting to help. Thank you for donating your time, money and resources to those who are in crisis. It is appreciated. YOU are appreciated!
