How to Find Joy Again When You Feel Like You Lost Yourself

Have you ever looked around at your life and thought, Everything looks good on the outside, so why don’t I feel joyful inside anymore?

Three years ago, I found myself asking that exact question.

On New Year’s Eve, I wrote one word in a notebook:

Joy.

And then I realized something that stopped me in my tracks.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually felt it. Not happiness because something good had happened. Not satisfaction because I had accomplished something. I was looking for that feeling of joy from within.

At first, I thought maybe I had been working too hard. Maybe I had spent too many years giving everything to everyone else.

But eventually I realized something else.

Joy hadn’t disappeared. I had simply stopped making room for it.

How Do You Find Joy Again?

For me, finding joy again didn’t begin with a massive life change.

I didn’t go on a retreat. I didn’t take a big vacation. I didn’t quit my business.

It started with a walk.

We live on 44 acres with trees and trails, and I would walk the property with my dogs every day. Except I began noticing that while my body was walking, my mind was somewhere else.

Work. Meetings. Problems. Emails. Planning. Producing.

So one day, I left my phone inside.

No podcast. No problems to solve. Nothing to plan.

I simply walked.

I noticed the birds. I noticed the sun and how it felt on my face. I felt a sense of calm.

And with it, a hint of joy.

Nothing changed overnight. But something had begun.

I felt a little quieter. A little lighter. A little more like me.

What If You Haven’t Lost Your Joy?

Those quiet walks helped me recognize something I hadn’t expected.

I hadn’t forgotten how to feel joy.

I had stopped making room for it.

Maybe you have too.

When you spend years building a business or career, caring for people you love, managing a home, solving problems and carrying responsibilities, it becomes very easy to fill every available space.

I had become very good at asking what needed to be done.

I wasn’t nearly as good at asking what would make me feel good.

So I changed the question.

Every morning before work, I began asking myself:

What would make today feel good? How can I have more joy?

Not, How can I be more productive?

Not, What else can I accomplish?

Just: What would feel good?

Sometimes the answer came easily.

Take a different drive to the office. Sit quietly for a while. Read. Go for a walk. Create something.

Other mornings, I sat there completely blank.

That surprised me.

I had spent so many years building businesses, taking care of everyone else and carrying responsibilities that I had slowly stopped making room for many of the things that had always brought me joy.

Stop Trying to Find Joy and Start Remembering It

This was the shift for me.

I stopped trying to find joy.

Instead, I intentionally started trying to remember it.

I grabbed another notebook, wrote the word ME in the middle of the page and drew a circle around it.

Then I started drawing branches.

On each branch, I wrote something I loved. Something that brought me joy. Something that made me feel peaceful. Something that made me lose track of time.

No judging.

No editing.

Just remembering.

That became my Joy Map.

And I realized that the person I was looking for was still there.

Small Pockets of Joy Can Help You Feel Like Yourself Again

Later, I shared the Joy Map with hundreds of women through a program I created called Rekindle Your Inner Spark.

And something beautiful happened.

Women started painting again. One picked up a guitar she had abandoned 20 years earlier. Someone started baking on Sundays and donating what she made to a local shelter. Someone planted flowers. Someone danced in her kitchen.

One woman called me after sitting down at her piano for the first time in years.

She was crying.

Not because she was sad.

She had remembered who she used to be when she played.

None of these women had to reinvent their lives.

They simply began creating little pockets of joy.

And little by little, they began feeling like themselves again.

When Joy Feels Selfish

I struggled with this part too.

Sometimes choosing joy felt indulgent.

There was a little voice reminding me:

You should be working.

You have responsibilities.

People need you.

For 30 years, so much of my identity had been wrapped around taking care of everyone else.

But then I noticed something.

On the days when I protected those little pockets of joy, I became a better person. A better leader. A better wife. A better friend.

I had more patience. More creativity.

I wasn’t taking something away from the people I loved by making room for myself.

I was bringing a better version of myself to them.

Create Your Own Joy Map

This week, I’d love to invite you to create your own Joy Map.

Grab a blank sheet of paper and write ME in the middle.

Then start creating branches.

Ask yourself:

What have I loved doing?

What makes me lose track of time?

What makes me smile or feel alive?

Don’t worry if you haven’t done some of these things in years.

Don’t judge what comes up.

Just remember.

Use colour if you want. Have fun with it.

Some of the things on my own Joy Map were quite small. But every one of those little branches led me back to a version of myself I had almost forgotten.

Then comes the important part.

Choose one branch.

That’s it.

Choose one thing from your Joy Map and make room for it this week.

Because joy doesn’t usually return through massive change.

It returns through tiny moments that remind you who you’ve always been.