Meet Kim McLeod, a woman who has been through so much in her life. As a teen mom, she faced letting go of parental custody to her parents. She overcame self-esteem issues and addiction. As she discovered who she was and what was important, she took a leading roll in fostering over a dozen children of different ages, stages, ethnicities and genders, including her beautiful foster son of 15 years. She is now a parenting advocate, leader and coach who helps women and their families lead healthy and fulfilling lives. Her perseverance, compassion and determination have led her down a path of leading and making a difference in the lives of many others.
Tell us about yourself.
I was born in Cornwall, next to the St-Lawrence River, the eldest of four children. My favorite places were the river and the top of a willow tree in the wind. My love for nature has been with me ever since, and I still draw spiritual strength from watching the moon, the animals, the trees and the changing seasons.
My family moved to Ottawa in 1980, and over the years, I have found a strong community here. I began my work life as a health care aid, and then as a full-time life skills / care attendant with the first Ottawa community-based independent living facility for persons with disabilities. Then, following a back injury, I went back to college and completed my honours diploma in Child and Youth Counselling. During that time, I have also been a mom or a foster mom to 13 children, of all ages, stages, ethnicities and genders.
Through this path, I developed a passion for life skills coaching. I learned to honour self-directed care and advocacy for each person to be in charge of their world despite any disability they might have. Community-building, parenting and self-esteem for young girls are also issues that are very close to my heart. Because of this life path and my passion for helping mothers and girls, I am now known as “Grandma K”, a parenting coach helping mothers and daughters develop guilt-free relationships.
I currently live in the Bayshore community with my foster son, and I enjoy visits from my delightful grandchildren.
Who inspires you in your life? Who do you look up to and why?
There are so many people who have lent a hand over the years, and encouraged me to keep moving forward. But there has been no greater inspiration than my foster son of 15 years. God had some pretty awesome plans when he matched us up! This kid has complex medical issues, but despite that, he LIVES each day fully. He’s always ready to smile, giggle and be playful. He has taught me the prayer of “Thank You.” Every morning, I wake with gratitude for another day, another opportunity. Thank You!
What have been some of the biggest challenges you have had to overcome in your life?
One of the most profound challenges I experienced was being a teenage mom. I had a daughter in my last year of high school, and started raising my daughter within my own biological family. However, this became complicated. Parenting roles and responsibilities grew entangled, causing friction between my parents and me, and wreaking havoc on my self-esteem. My parents decided to act as parents to my daughter—setting conditions for when I could live with her as a full-time parent. I spent years trying to meet these conditions. Then, when I had achieved them, they decided to keep her and raise her as her primary parents.
This was shattering. It was life-altering. And it became the catalyst for a journey of healing from loss, and of building my life and the work I do today.
What did you do to move through them?
This experience was significant because I consciously decided to ‘do the work’ required to heal my anger over the loss of my child, the loss of my role as a full-time mom and the broken agreement with my parents—all the stuff that made my heart heavy with resentment. This work started with no longer drinking alcohol and seeking counselling. I went to an amazing place in Ottawa called Rideauwood Families and Addiction Centre, where I learned about the dynamics of families–of my family. And as I learned about my role, I was able to see what was mine to deal with and what was not. This helped me reach a place where I could lay down resentment and offer forgiveness. Once I’d done this I was free! Free to move on, grow up and move forward. Writing and journaling were also helpful tools for me. I eventually decided to publish my diaries from when I was a teen: before, during and after my pregnancy (Wishing: Diaries of a Teen Pregnancy). My hope is this book will help others gain insight into the mind of a teen who is struggling with low self-esteem, learning disability and addictions.
What did you learn? What do you wish to share with others?
Every mom out there—myself included—has done and is doing her best with the information and the capacity she had or has at the moment. Keeping a focus on now, instead of giving in to fear requires taking the action of “believing.” I want every mom to be brave, to look past her fears about the future, and to focus on this moment with your child. Then the next. And then the next. Our job as mothers is to be present and to do the best we can now, weaving one moment after the other. Any mistake we make now doesn’t doom our child to pain and sorrow for life. The future belongs to them: it is theirs to make. After we’re done our part, they will weave their lives, one moment at a time.
What are you most proud of?
I have a deep gratitude for everything I have done to survive and thrive in my life. I am proud of who I am, of who I have become.
What do you want your older self to know?
You did good, girl!!
Favorite quote
It’s not exactly a quote, but I have this slip of paper a learning disabilities counsellor gave me when I was about 10, which I kept all this time. It’s framed on my bedroom wall. It’s loosely based on Virginia Satir’s poem,”Self Esteem”:
“I am me…not someone else.
I like myself the way I am.
I don’t have all that others have but I do have something others don’t have.
Let’s find them.”
