You built the life you wanted. The business, the career, the financial security, the family. You worked hard for every piece of it. So why does part of you sometimes whisper, “I feel trapped”?
And then comes the guilt. How do you complain about a life you chose, a life you built, a life you still love? Here is what I want you to consider. Maybe you don’t want out of it all. Maybe you just want to change the parts that no longer fit who you are now.
I talk about this in my latest video. Watch it here, then keep reading for the questions and the one simple exercise that can help you begin.
You Don’t Need a Different Life, You Need More Choice
A woman I worked with once told me, “I feel trapped in what I’ve built and I don’t know how to get out of it.” As we talked, it became clear she didn’t want out of everything. There were parts of her business she loved. There were parts of her life she wanted to keep.
What she didn’t want was everything that had piled up around it: the responsibilities, the expectations, the things she had done for years simply because she always had. Somewhere along the way, the life she worked so hard to create had stopped feeling like freedom. It had started feeling like something she had to maintain.
When Being Capable Becomes Its Own Trap
Your business needs you, so you show up. Your staff, your clients, your children, your parents, your partner, your community. You keep showing up, because that’s what you do. You’re the problem solver, the decision maker, the one people come to.
But the more you prove you can handle, the more you end up handling. So the question isn’t “Can I handle this?” You’ve proven that over and over. The better question is, “Do I still want to?”
I wish I had asked myself that more often. There were seasons when my businesses were thriving and I had real control over my time. Then life would happen. My daughter was injured and needed me. My mom was dying. My dad was in the hospital. Staff wouldn’t show up and we’d be scrambling to fill the schedule. What had felt manageable suddenly felt so much heavier. And people didn’t see it, because I wanted them to think I had it all together.
Maybe people look at you and think, she’s strong, she can handle it. Maybe you can. The real question is whether it still needs to be yours to carry. Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to.
Listen for Two Little Words: “I Have To”
Many of the things we carry started as a yes that was right at the time. We just never revisited the decision. We kept showing up and kept carrying it, until something that once felt like a choice started to feel like an obligation.
So listen for two little words. I have to deal with this client. I have to be available. I have to keep the business growing. I have to do it, because nobody else will do it properly.
Every time you hear yourself say “I have to,” ask yourself, “Do I?” Sometimes the answer will be yes. Some responsibilities matter deeply, and what they give you is worth it. And sometimes the answer will be no. I don’t have to keep doing this, or I don’t have to keep doing it this way.
Make Your Tolerations List
Take out a piece of paper and write “My Tolerations List” at the top. Then ask yourself: what am I tolerating right now that makes my life feel less like my own? It might be:
- The employee you’ve been making excuses for.
- The client you dread hearing from.
- Always being the one who organizes everything for the family.
- Saying yes before you’ve stopped to ask whether you want to say no.
- A friendship you leave feeling worse instead of better.
- A house full of things you don’t even want anymore.
Write it down, even the things you’ve told yourself shouldn’t bother you. Tolerations add up.
Then pause before you start trying to get rid of everything. Knowing what you don’t want is only half the work. Now ask yourself:
- What do I love about the life I’ve built?
- What do I absolutely want to keep?
- What am I willing to tolerate because what it gives me is worth it?
- What am I saying yes to that takes me further from the life I actually want?
- What could my life look like instead? Not someone else’s life. Yours.
Start With One Thing
This is where so many of us get stuck. We look at the life we have, imagine something completely different, and the distance between the two feels enormous. So we do nothing.
Don’t start there. Start with one thing. One toleration you could change. One task you could delegate. One conversation you’ve been avoiding. One thing you’re ready to stop automatically saying yes to. One decision you could revisit.
One choice reminds you that you have choices. Then you make another, and another.
Since selling my businesses, I’ve discovered a different kind of freedom. I get to choose what I show up for, and I didn’t fully understand how heavy some of those responsibilities were until I set them down. That doesn’t mean selling is your answer. You may want to keep your business for another twenty years. The lesson for me was bigger than that. Freedom is having more choice about what gets your time. Not escape. Choice.
Your Question for Today
If you’re feeling trapped in what you’ve built, don’t start with “How do I get out of this?” Start with three questions. What do I want to keep? What am I ready to change? What do I want instead?
Then choose one thing you can change, put down, or say no to this week.
If you find yourself wondering who you are in this next chapter, watch Feeling Lost? How to Find Your Way Back to You next.
You deserve a life that doesn’t just look successful from the outside. You deserve one that feels like yours on the inside. If this spoke to you, subscribe to At the Heart of It All with Pierrette on YouTube so you don’t miss the next video, and share this with the woman in your life who is always the strong one.
